To Be Free
by Agatha-Naomi
Summary: Sebastian just wants to be free. Ciel just wants to be held. Angsty and fluffy.
1. Chapter 1

To Be Free

He was far too old to be having nightmares. As a demonling, he was surprised he dreampt anyways. Did Sebastian dream too? Perhaps he fantasized about killing his master and being free. Free from Ciel. Free from the loyalty and care he had more or less faked over the years. Free from his eternal captivity.

A small part of Ciel that he tried very hard to quiet liked the idea of it: to have guaranteed company whether said company was happy about it or not.  
Ciel sighed and rolled over in his white sheets and sighed, knowing sleep was now unreachable. After all he had been through, all he had endured, he liked the idea of being served tea and cake everyday. Of being bathed and dressed and occasionally carried off to bed. Even if Sebastian hated him, wanted his freedom, wanted him dead. The boy was just lonely enough to be willing to settle for creature comforts from someone who hated him.

Pathetic really.

It's cold in his bed, and he remembers nights spent with his parents under the covers, of his dog at his feet. Another small part of Ciel that he hates is the part that misses human contact. Holding his parents hands as he walked with them, sitting on laps, having his arms and back rubbed until he fell asleep... being held. He missed it so terribly it ached, but he would never tell a soul. Sometimes the urge is particularly strong, and it's all he can do not to order his butler to just pick him up or sit by him, but to his alarm, he wants the older demon to desire to do so.

"Yes, young master?" Ciel jumps out of his skin and nearly flings the book on his bedside table at the intruder, who smirks.  
"I can tell when you're distressed. Our bond is beyond the contract we once had"  
"Don't be ridiculous. You wouldn't have tried to kill me if you felt anything for me." Ciel spat. Sebastian frowns and steps closer.  
"I simply want to be free. I grow hungry Master. And I want to hunt."  
"Then go hunt. I don't own you."  
"That's where you're mistaken My Lord. I am yours until the end, whether I like it or not."  
"THEN GO! Leave me, you bastard, everyone does! I used to think we had a bond other than the contract, maybe that we could be equals now that we're both demons, but I guess not!"  
"Master."

"Just go. Leave me alone." Ciel flops down on the bed and curses himself for the angry tears that run hotly down his face. He feels small, weak and pitiful.  
"Is that what this is about? You don't want me to leave you? And you dislike that I want to be free?"  
"I don't know what I want."  
"I suppose you want what anyone in your position would want. Comfort and company. And what kind of a butler would I be if I didn't provide it?" Sebastian places a hand on his back and starts to rub. His treacherous body melts into the bedspread and he knows that this is what he wants.  
"I just wanted to be free Master. I dislike hurting you."  
"Me too." He admits quietly. _I want to be free._  
"I cannot lie. I have developed a bond with you. And if we are to be in captivity, we may as well have good company."  
"You don't hate me?"  
"I could never hate you My Lord."  
"Then... Come here. Be close to me." At this shy demand, he finds himself scooped up into Sebastian's arms and is cuddled to his broad chest. Large hands resume the stroking of his back and he all but melts into the first hug he has received in years.

Sebastian pulls away slightly and wipes the remnant of the tears away and cups his small face. Ciel closes his eyes and enjoys the sensation of the smooth gloves on his undereyes and cheeks. A thumb runs gently over his bottom lip and his eyes fly open.  
"Pardon Master."  
"No. It's quite alright." He catches ruby eyes in his vision and before he can realize he's making eye contact, warm, full lips make contact with his own and he gasps.

It's like cotton and silkiness, and something else warm and wet, like the smell of clean skin after you get out of a bath. He can feel everything, the warmth of hard muscle, the crinkle of Sebastian's tail coat as he holds on for dear life, and even Sebastian's eyelashes fluttering.

They cease the kiss and Ciel hides his red face in the crook of his butler's neck and just let's himself be held.  
Sebastian's gloved fingertips brush patterns on his arms, and slowly, peacefully, the little demon drifts back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

To Be Free

AN: Wahhh thanks for all who reviewed! It could stand as a one shot, but today was shitty and I feel like writing fluff, so here's more! It's from Sebastian's POV this time.

He had noticed a change in his young master. Of course he was a demon now, and there were those changes to take into consideration, but there was something else. Melancholy little glances in his direction, an increase in hours slept, which was very odd seeing as demons did not need to sleep. He could only conclude that the boy was being either lazy or sad, and he was convinced it was the latter, seeing as during the day Ciel worked with more gusto than usual, as though trying to preoccupy himself.

Working hard, sleeping hard, he was trying to distract himself from his thoughts. And unpleasant thoughts had a rather amusing way of surfacing whether you want them to or not, which made him suspect that his little lord would have a break down sooner or later. He would of course be there to observe said break down when it happened, because a part of him that he disliked, wanted to ease any pain the Earl might have.

Cutting his stomach had been as unpleasant for him as it had been for his little Earl. Goodness, the first time he had attempted to devour Ciel's soul, he had even offered to be gentle about it. That was something he had never done in all of his years, which was really saying something.

He was not going to fix meals for him anymore, not going to dance with him anymore, bathe him anymore. The kid was dead to him now. Why should that bother him even in the slightest? Ciel's soul was tortured, tender and young. Delicious. And yet when the boy said that there was no need to be gentle about it, spewing some nonsense about how it was proof he had lived a good life, Sebastian had felt…..

Excited that he didn't have to hold back. Happy he was getting to eat.

Lonely, disappointed, sad. He had felt a sense of loss, however brief, that made him feel human again. And he did not like that, not one bit.

Ciel maintained that innocence even as a demonling, and try as he may to ignore it, Sebastian liked that innocence. He craved it yes, yes with a fierce hunger that was natural to him. He wanted to swallow that innocence whole, shield it from undeserving eyes, protect it, cover it with kisses, cuddle it like a kitten.

He wasn't even making sense anymore. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to kill the boy and be done with it, be free, or if he wanted to simply give in to being this beautiful person's captor.

Sebastian felt a twinge of pain, and nearly gasped. As his butler, before Ciel had become a demon, the boy could summon him through that, but as of late he could sometimes feel little flashes of what the boy was feeling. And his master was very upset indeed.

He let the emotions flick over his tired brain and resonate.

Fear, pain, loneliness. The last being the strongest.

Sebastian heads upstairs to his master's bedroom, knowing the mental breakdown he had predicted was happening. He stops at the doorway and observed Ciel for a brief moment. He has his arms wrapped around his legs like a little embrace. Is his lord wanting physical comfort? Why can't he just ask?

Pride maybe. Then again it's hard to ask for comfort from someone that tried to kill you. Poor boy really had nobody else to ask. He had very little left. And Sebastian would put aside his selfish confusion at having romantic feelings of all things for his master, and be there for him.

"Yes, young master?" The ensuing reaction is as amusing as he had hoped, his master flushing cutely and even searching for possible projectiles.  
"I can tell when you're distressed. Our bond is beyond the contract we once had"  
"Don't be ridiculous. You wouldn't have tried to kill me if you felt anything for me." Ah so that was it? His master thought he didn't care at all. How foolish. How sad. How simply untrue.

"I simply want to be free. I grow hungry Master. And I want to hunt." He explains.  
"Then go hunt. I don't own you."  
"That's where you're mistaken My Lord. I am yours until the end, whether I like it or not."  
"THEN GO! Leave me, you bastard, everyone does! I used to think we had a bond other than the contract, maybe that we could be equals now that we're both demons, but I guess not!"  
"Master." The words of his little master sting right where his heart would be if he still had one. How curious. Everybody leaves? He thinks he will leave him even though he is bound to him? Does he have that little faith in what they have been through?

"Just go. Leave me alone." Ciel flops down on the bed and shudders a little. Was he crying? Had he made his little master cry? Idiot.

"Is that what this is about? You don't want me to leave you? And you dislike that I want to be free?"  
"I don't know what I want." Of course he didn't. He was still so young, muttering angrily into his pillow like that. So young to have live through so much.  
"I suppose you want what anyone in your position would want. Comfort and company. And what kind of a butler would I be if I didn't provide it" He dares to place a hand on the little back. He rubs bony shoulders and feels the Earl relax. All this time, the boy has been lonely. Hurt by his own butler's betrayal. What a damned fool he was indeed.

I just wanted to be free Master. I dislike hurting you."  
"Me too." So they both wanted freedom. From captivity. From pain and loneliness.  
"I cannot lie. I have developed a bond with you. And if we are to be in captivity, we may as well have good company."  
"You don't hate me?"

Goodness, as if he even could.  
"I could never hate you My Lord."  
"Then... Come here. Be close to me."

How on earth could a dead heart skip a beat? He gently pulls him into his arms, rubs the skinny back, and it feels….

Right. Meant to be. Perfect. Ciel will likely never grow in his physical body now that he's a demon, but he feels perfect. Absolutely perfect in his hold, like his body was made to be held by his own. He can't believe he made such a perfect creature cry. He wipes the tears away, and marvels at the way Ciel seems to leans into the touch. Eyes gently closed, cheeks damp, lips red.

He runs a thumb over that pouty mouth before he can stop himself and the moment is ruined. Eyes fly open in shock, he leans away slightly, he had gone too far.

"Pardon Master."

"No. It's quite alright." Their eyes meet, and Sebastian cannot help himself. He leans in and closes the distance and delights in the gasp, the sweet mouth, the way little hands find purchase in his coat.

Ciel breaks apart blushing red and shoves his face into his butler's neck, and he fights the strong urge to chuckle. Ciel breathes hotly on his neck and leans into his caress on his arms, and when Sebastian feels his small body grow heavy as sleep takes him, he knows.

After years of not even wanting anything to do with human feelings, the strongest of all has come and bitten him. He is in love. Love for crying out loud.

The boy in his arms stirs and he curses himself for the warm feeling that crawls into his throat and pricks beneath his eyelids. He wonders what exactly he has gotten himself into.

But if Ciel wants this human emotion from him, he can learn to accept it. Otherwise, what kind of butler would he be?


End file.
